Mar 20, 2014 by


IMG_1636That’s me in the dentist chair.  And let me just say, it takes a pretty secure person to share this picture!  I can’t tell you how much time and money I have spent in that chair and the interesting things I’ve learned about teeth.  Now, you’re probably thinking, oh no, she’s getting some of those Hollywood teeth!  Nope.  I am starting the process of getting an implant—not those—the kind above the neck.  I’m having to correct a bad crown from a previous dentist.  For the sake of the article, I am going to share the details.  The original plan was to stick in a titanium post, slap a crown on and out the door I go.  All of which would take several weeks and cost about $4,000.00.  That’s FORE  THOW  SUN  DOLL  URS.  Well, about midway throughout the process, the dentist finds I don’t have enough bone to secure the implant in so while I am under the gas, he tells me he is going to have to graft the bone.  As he starts cutting back the gum surface and packing “stuff” up in there, I’m thinking what is that “stuff”.  I finally ask, “Do I want to know what that “stuff” is?”.  He looks down and in his best unexpressive voice says, “Uhhhh, not really”.  After the procedure I find out the “stuff” is cadaver fragments.  Yes, you heard me… CSI, mortuary, dead people bone fragments.  I can’t tell you what a strange feeling it is to have a dead person in your mouth (no nasty jokes, please).  That night when I was rinsing and spit the gritty pieces into the sink and stared at them , I thought “Oh, that must have been inmate # G19499302.  Yuck, yuck, yuck!  At my next visit to the dentist, I was telling him about the gritty experience and he said one of his other patients called the little fragments “Mrs. Murphy”.  Funny ha-ha—if it’s not your mouth.  So now, I’m wearing a temporary flipper-it’s like the invisible brace but has a fake tooth that fills in the empty space.  It is a royal pain to eat with and more than once I have left the house and not remembered to put it in.  Not good.  Up till then, the most embarrassed I had been, concerning my appearance was not putting mascara over my lash primer and arrived looking like Johnny Winter.  Missing teeth are not becoming.  As Dennis said, “You know, I never thought I’d hear myself asking someone ‘did you remember to put your teeth in’……..Does anybody have the number for Clear Choice???

BTW-another interesting thing I’ve stumbled upon is the thing about oil pulling.  I do it with the coconut oil in a jar that is like lard when you put it in you mouth but softens as your mouth warms it.

PS-A couple of days ago, my dog , Mitch chewed my flipper.  I thought it would cost about $50.00 to replace.  Wrong.  It was $348.00.  The tally is now $4,348.00.  One tooth.

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